I Owe It To Them

(Picture credit to gremlins_chaos_scribbles on Instagram for this stunning, special artwork)

I owe a person who doesn't exist, except inside my head, the biggest thank you of them all. To the character I created for a fantasy game played among friends, I owe more than I can ever return.

Not all characters created for TTRPGs turn out quite this special, but this one of mine did. Unintentionally, of course.

This person doesn't exist, only inside my head. A part of me that was kept locked away until I discovered them and decided to set them free. In doing so I acknowledged a part of myself that would otherwise have been kept in the dark forever.

To the person who doesn't exist, except inside my head and the heads of those I play with, I owe the spark of confidence I found to express myself in a way that I've been longing to do for years. For giving me the push I needed to feel good in my own skin.

They taught me that just because the world is cruel, doesn't mean I have to be. Just because it costs nothing to be kind, doesn't mean those of us who are kind aren't tired. It's okay to have a bad day, it's okay to feel like crap, it's okay to cry, it's okay to have emotions. But it's more important to get up and carry on, no matter how hard you've been knocked down.

Have your moment, let no one take it away from you. Your moment of anger, sadness, grief, joy, happiness, accomplishment. You earned it, own it.

They taught me how to look at others with a new sense of compassion. Because you don't know the other person's story. Because no one truly evil started that way, and no one is purely innocent. Because sometimes you have to do the right thing in the wrong way. Listen to a person's story before judging them too harshly

Do no harm, but take no shit.

It's okay to be gentle, but you are no one's doormat.

It's okay to be angry. Anger is healthy. It's what we do with that anger that counts.

It's okay to make mistakes, everyone does. Acknowledge them, learn, grow. No one is perfect.

I owe it to them that I feel showing vulnerability doesn't make you weak. It makes you human. We all feel sad, hopeless, useless, desperate... And that's okay. We don't need to kill the softness in us just to make it in this world. There is a type of power in knowing how we feel, understanding it, coping with it, and coming out of it even stronger. Cliché, I know, but goodness only knows this world needs more kindness in it.

They taught me that you can't fix everyone, but you can show them basic human decency they may never have experienced before. Perhaps you can't change their life, perhaps you can't change them, but you can change a moment in their life that could save them in the end. You never know how many cracks in a heart you've healed, or how many tears you've prevented. There's a type of beauty in that.

To the person who lives only inside my head, thank you for showing me that somewhere out there, among the thousands of planets and stars, there is someone who loves you, just for you. No matter how damaged and broken, no matter how dark or twisted, someone out there understands all the fissures in your soul. Their arms will be the ones to hug you tight enough that those imperfections are no more, not because they aren't there, but because you are nothing but perfect to them.

To the little part of me that wanted to be heard, thank you for never giving up.